With pressure, there's diamond

by Diana Alvarado

My first-born was a son who had multiple congenital defects. One of those is of the heart and that is what ultimately led to his demise. I was in utter shock and desperately shattered. God showed me miracle after miracle after miracle. I thought it was a sign. I never doubted. I had never thought it would end the way it did.

I took my time to mourn… a little too much time, I think. I thought “Time heals” but that is a total lie. It took me 7 years, I got tired waiting. I wasn’t healed?!

It was only when I allowed God’s love to clothe me that I had observed my bitterness and negativities slowly fell out of me like ugly scales I never want. It is God’s love that heals.

“I could not see a way how to turn this around” is what humans say. That’s what I said. Jesus, himself, taught us how to pray so that we get a glimpse of God’s divinity and we see that “nothing is impossible”

If there was something that I held on during that time of darkness was this… “In times when you do not see God’ s Hands, trust God’s Heart.”

A few weeks ago, I was named Volunteer of the Year Awardee of Lexmark International for the work that I do in providing surgeries to children with heart ailments. What struck me the most was a message from my husband saying, (I quote) “This is God’s work in my wife’s life, indeed it a display of God’s grace..if you would have told me 11 years ago when we went through the ordeal with our son  Nathan that my wife will be ok and turn out to be helping others, I would have not believed you, but see it’s not up to me nor us..if we allow the Lord to work in us He will make us as instrument and vessel of his blessings to others. This is God’s reminder to me that We are the clay and he is the potter..Praise God, I am in the front row seat seeing the transformation of a woman’s grieving heart turn into a caring and loving heart. Praise be to God!” (End of quote)

That made me shed tears because it’s true. I could never have imagined that shattered broken self 11 years ago would turn out to be sane. I am sane. I thought I’d end up in the streets.. and now,… sane and able to help others. Praise the Lord, brothers and sisters! This is all God’s doing!

The Beauty of Nathan’s story is not because he died. But that defeat was turned victorious. I’m not even talking about the non-profit organization, Let It Echo. The victory I am referring to is in my life. God is victorious in me.

Do I believe that this is part of God’s plan? That God purposely made Nathan’s life short? No. Definitely not. In the Scripture, even Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus who died, and He brought back to life the sickly child. Jesus is not a fan of death.

God wants eternal life. God wants happiness, good health.  What I believe is that He helped me, transformed me and made me who I am now. Someone helping others who are pieces of my previous broken self.

In retrospect, if I knew ahead that Nathan would come only for awhile, I will still choose to have him. I would rather have those precious 11 months than none at all. With that acceptance, my bitterness turned to gratefulness. Thank you Lord for gifting us those 11 months.

I am Grateful for my husband and the community of friends that he has — because of his prayerfulness, God has protected me from losing other things that matter and I am sure will regret. The loss did not create a root of bitterness that the enemy can use to continue to take me down the wrong path.

I am Grateful for community - my burden was made lighter — they helped in so many practical things needed for my child. Most especially, they prayed for us and they shared our story. We Let It ECHO…

Now it has come to full circle. When people see me, they see the God Almighty who worked on me. They don’t see me. They see a powerful God who worked to make me strong and they continue to see God working through me to others. The greatest compliment that we as a group received is when a grandmother of a kid we helped said, “you are the hands and feet of Jesus”. My heart is full of joy.

(Psalm 30:11).

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever"

Many people get lost in their sorrow so that it encompasses their whole lives. Yet for those who put their hope in Christ, even in seasons of sorrow—the Lord’s faithfulness is demonstrated with a believer’s renewed joy in the spirit. For those who know Christ there will be days of rejoicing again because the joy of the Lord is our strength.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26)

** written on 1Q 2021