Catchfire! Exalted - The Mission Lives On

by Mc and Diane Alvarado

We were asked to share our story to the Sword of the Spirit community online on November 21, 2021 to Open Door Davao Catch Fire. We joyfully agreed. Here is the recorded FB Watch link. Go to 2:00:00 for our sharing.

Diane's sharing

I was always the goody toe shoes. I was always the one who stays at home and study instead of playing around with the other kids. I studied in an exclusive girls Catholic-run highschool and introduced to the community early by my parents. My name is Diana, named after my mom’s favorite royalty Princess Diana.

I was nursing a heart ache after a failed relationship and suddenly had so much time to give. I finally gave in to my cousin’s persistent invitation to spend 1st Friday mass with her. Little did I know that it was Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon. That 1st Friday became another Friday and another one. I found myself saying Yes each week until I committed to the Christian Life Program. In the community, I also found the man who later became my husband.

I, too, was excited. It felt just natural that the next step of getting married is to have kids. A series of miscarriages disheartened me. It numbed me. It also made me doubt myself and our union. The fact that Mc already had a kid from another woman was not helpful at all. It made me feel even more insecure.

After 5 years and 4 miscarriages, life was formed. We prayed and hoped, and the Lord answered our prayers. I was ecstatic. The Lord finally heard me. He assured me there was nothing wrong. It was just right timing. God remembered Mc’s gift or Zackery Mc Nathan, that’s what we named him. However, a heart murmur was heard by his pediatrician and 2d echo confirmed his heart condition. Only an open heart surgery can save him. He also had kidney defect. I was devastated and angry. Why give and take away? Reality sunk in and we have to face the fact that he needed surgery. He needed help. I tried to keep the sorrow in as I was afraid to feel. I was hoping that keeping positive would make things happen.

“Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God…” Isaiah 41:10

I was confused yet Mc kept reminding me to keep the faith. Seeing my son suffering was extremely difficult. He was in and out of the hospital. The amount of energy and resources needed were taking its toll on us and the entire family.

Amidst the difficulties, God had shown me miracle after miracle. We needed financial help and were overwhelmed at how we received financial blessings in various amounts and means. God was telling me to trust. It will be done. It will be alright. Despite the many seemingly insurmountable obstacles, the Lord showed us his healing power. In Nov 24, 2010 when they operated on my son, they found out he had a spare kidney that allowed them to remove the tube insertion in his left kidney. Because of these miracles, I did not doubt. In my head, I was celebrating. What great stories this would be and I was on the front seat of of these unveiling. I was scared but I never doubted. 

Alas! The outcome was not what I expected. We lost him. Flying from Manila to Cebu was the longest plane ride we took with my baby Nathan on the casket. Who could relate to us? when parents pass away, one would be an orphan. When spouse pass away, one becomes a widow but what do you call someone who lost a child. Not even Webster has a name for it.

I cried for a day when my son passed away. It was ONLY that day - never on his wake, not even on his final rites. People said I was strong but I wasn’t.

I was back in my dark corner - angry and depressed. I overanalyzed everything trying to get answers to each of my questions. Nathan’s absence brought us further and further away from each other. Our marriage took a beating. Countless hours spent with psychiatrists, marriage counselors.. but nothing seem to work. 

I was not in the mood for anything. Not even time to pray. I don’t take the Eucharist and only go for mass because I would hear an earful of it if I don’t. As for our marriage, I took it as nature affirming that we are not compatible. I didn’t want to be in the marriage. My saintly excuse was I did not want to be Mc’s hindrance in joy of becoming a father. Selfishly, I was just being rebellious. I walked out of the house and rented a place on my own. It was just enough time to uproot myself and gain a better perspective.

For the first time, there was so much honestly and openness when Mc and I talked. There were a lot of acceptance, understanding, and forgiveness. It was during this time that we learned that marriage is truly a 3-person relationship. It is strengthened by God in between because it is not humanly possible to move on and accept. What we went through as a couple difficult. It was also transformative.

It was when we strengthened our core by acknowledging God in our marriage that we were truly healed. I am glad that we allowed God to transform our hearts. To have been blessed, broken, and given away is a process that God allowed us to go through. We held on to him. He kept us together. 

Today the Lord’s promise of hope and a bright future is what we are experiencing. Even after with 3 more miscarriages, we are finally blessed with 2 more lovely daughters - Halley and McKayla, and I am actively empowering moms to find fix for their child’s heart. I never could have imagined that despite my brokenness, I will be doing this.

He who began the good work in us will faithful to complete it. With God’s grace, we will continue to abide in Him and will be used as instrument to even a spark of hope to those who need it. To God be the glory!

God does not call the equipped. He equipped those He called. The loss of my son opened up deep longing to hold on to Jesus even more.